A real man doesn't slap even a ten-dollar hooker around, if he's
got any self-respect, much less hurt his own woman. Much less ten times over
the mother of his kids. A real man busts his ass to feed his family, fights for
them if he has to, dies for them if he has to. And he treats his wife with
respect every day of his life, treats her like a queen - the queen of the home
she makes for their children.
~ S.M. Stirling
The countdown to Kodiak
begins! For the month of July and most of August, I’m concentrating on writing
my memoir, so there won’t be as many blog posts. Have a book-filled summer!
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W
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hen is
domestic violence acceptable?
Apparently
when it sells
70 million copies.
Offended
by that statement? You should be. And yet, women across the nation seem to
think that when the violence is sexual in nature and perpetrated by a sexy rich
guy, it’s all good.
Because of course, what
happens in the bedroom between partners is nobody else’s business.
Unless of
course, it’s your neighbor or best friend, and she covers up the bruises with
excuses and a brave face that hides her fear and self-loathing.
Still, you do nothing because you “don’t want to get involved.” In today’s society, we value autonomy over
real freedom and blind tolerance over decency.
But to ignore the signs and symptoms of domestic violence is to silently
approve of it.
That’s bad
enough. But to glamorize it? To make it
exciting and titillating?
That is
truly sick and perverted. Yet make no
mistake, that is exactly what 50 Shades
of Grey does.
The
Sacred Duty of a Writer
As a
writer, I am very careful about book and author reviews. I know what it’s like to pour your heart and
soul onto the page and hope that your dreams and imaginings will touch at least
one person’s heart and make a difference.
Even
romantic fiction, fantasy, and science-fiction ~ incorrectly considered “fluff”
writing by many ~ serves a higher purpose: to provide hope and escape to a
reader bogged down in a mundane and soul-sucking life.
And yet,
such a lofty gift comes with a heavy responsibility. A sacred duty to your readers: to provide a
well-written story, a believable plot, detailed character development, and
attention to proper grammar and word usage.
But
inherent in that is also a duty to reach out to them and show them that no
matter how difficult their personal circumstances, if this character can
overcome the odds, they can too. Because
ultimately, we read to know we are not alone.
E. James
does none of this.
50
Shades of Hack Writing
Let’s
forget for a moment that 50 Shades is
an adult version of Twilight (true
story – it started out as fan fiction). Let’s
focus just on the story and plot, which made me cringe. I’ll be completely honest ~ I only read about 30% of it and that only
so I could see what all the fuss was about.
It was so poorly written and ludicrous, I couldn’t finish it.
Whenever I
read a new book that has several 5 star reviews and discover that a sixth
grader in private school could write a better plot, I wonder who these
reviewers are. I can only imagine that
the women who rocketed Shades to best
seller status must be white, middle class married women who haven’t been
properly laid in years, and are looking for a forbidden thrill.
How else
to describe this fascination with violence in the bedroom?
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| Image Credit |
It’s a
common human failing, this tendency to romanticize the lives of those we
consider different or beneath us. It
used to be called slumming.
Think married women of the aristocracy of the
19th century consorting with commoners or paying to play prostitute
when their other amusements palled.
Violence
By Any Other Name
I wish I
could tell you that writing such tripe is harmless fun. But it is not. It perpetuates the belief that women are nothing
more than sexual playthings.
It saddens
me that in our technologically advanced society, we are still fighting discrimination,
misogyny, prejudice, and violence.
This is a
tough subject, but ignoring it won’t make it go away.
Some statistics
about victims to put this in perspective:
2/3 had a prior relationship with the aggressor (age 18-29)6 out of 10 were assaulted by an intimate partner9 out 10 knew their attacker (college age)1 in 6 have experienced rape or attempted rape in their life1 in 4 women has had a sexual experience she did not want by the age of 30
Do you see
the pattern here? Most women who are
victims of sexual abuse know their
attacker. While there are cases of
women being snatched off the street by a random stranger, that type of attack
is rare.
I wonder
if you asked these women whether it made a difference if their attacker was
rich, sexy, or apologized later.
The fact
that a woman has written a book that romanticizes sexual violence just adds
insult to injury.
Has Ms. James ever volunteered at a battered women’s shelter, counseled rape victims, or spoken
with survivors of human sex trafficking?
I have to wonder.
Because
when you spend even a small amount of time with these precious women, you know
that violence in the bedroom (or anywhere in the home) is not sexy or exciting
or worthy of glamorization.
Violence
By Any Other Name
The
reality is bleak, frightening, and too often ends in death.
The
following is a partial list of behaviors:
JealousyAt the start of the relationship, an abuser will equate jealously with love. The abuser will question the victim about who the victim talks to, accuse the victim of flirting, or become jealous of time spent with others. The abuser may call the victim frequently during the day, drop by unexpectedly, refuse to let the victim work, check the car mileage, or ask friends to watch the victim.
Controlling behaviorIn the beginning an abuser will attribute controlling behavior to concern for the victim (for example, the victim's safety or decision-making skills). As this behavior progresses the situation will worsen, and the abuser may assume all control of finances or prevent the victim from coming and going freely.
Unrealistic expectationsAn abuser expects the victim to meet all of the abuser's needs, to take care of everything emotionally and domestically.
IsolationAn abuser will attempt to isolate the victim by severing the victim's ties to outside support and resources. The batterer will accuse the victim's friends and family of being "trouble makers." The abuser may block the victim's access to use of a vehicle, work, or telephone service in the home.
Review
these signs of abuse and ask yourself: 1) do you really want to read or watch a
story that makes it look fun and harmless?
2) Do you know anyone who experiences these?
Naked
and Unashamed
I am about
as far from prudish as you can get. My
Southern Baptist-raised mother is continually shocked by my outlook and some of
my beliefs. What can I say ~ I like a
well-written love story with detailed steamy scenes and I make no apologies for
my liberal and eclectic taste in reading material.
But it is
one thing to write a book that contains violence against women or children
(Crime and Punishment) where the attacker is shown to be evil and justice is
served. It is quite another to write a
book that tells men that violence is a turn on and even if she says no, she
really means yes.
Ms. James,
speaking as a writer and a woman, I am disappointed.
Oremus pro invicem,
~
Mikaela
"She liked
a very particular kind of plot: the sort where the pirate kidnaps some virgin
damsel, rapes her into loving him, and then dispatches lots of seamen while she
polishes his cutlass. Or where the Highland clan leader kidnaps some virginal
English Rose, rapes her into loving him, and then kills entire armies
Sassenachs while she stuffs his haggis. Or where the Native American warrior
kidnaps a virginal white settler, rapes her into loving him, and then kills a
bunch of colonists while she whets his tomahawk. I hated to get Freudian on
Linda, but her reading patterns suggested some interesting insight into why she
was such a bitch."
— Nicole Peeler
(Tempest Rising, Jane True #1)
