Bound for Kodiak: Memoir as Therapy

To the lover of wilderness, Alaska is one of the most wonderful countries in the world.

~ John Muir

The countdown to Kodiak clock is winding down fast – as in tomorrow!  As there will be no internet there, I will not be posting again until my return. 

B

eginning tomorrow, Friday, August 29^th, I will head out t othe Last Frontier.

For a week, I’ll be writing, relaxing, reading, and hopefully taking pictures of grizzlies and not getting mauled by one.

Oh, and did I mention there won’t have indoor plumbing?

Yeah. Roughing it at last!

Ever since I was seduced by her majestic mountains and clean, brisk air, I have longed to return.  So this trip is a dream come true for me and one I can cross off my bucket list.  And I almost gave up on it barely before I got started. 

All because of negative feedback. 

Ironically, I am going on this trip to work on my memoir.  Sending out those few, vulnerable little chapters was difficult ~ not because I’m afraid of constructive criticism.  But because the content is so raw and painful and intimate and personal.

It’s like stepping into one of my personal journals.  Or sitting in on a therapy session.

Memoir experts say that your memoir shouldn't be about getting revenge or a way to work through your issues.  But I say ~ just write.  Get it all out, vomit on the page, deep clean those memories and wounds and trauma.  Once it’s all out there, then you edit.  Tweak.  Delete.  Reword.

Use your writing as therapy all you want.  It’s only the final draft, the one that’s ready to go to the publisher, that should take your personal story, your personal pain, and make it universal.  Because a memoir is never just about you and your healing.

It’s your story of healing being a beacon of hope to someone else who may be suffering in a similar way.

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

Do you use your writing as a therapy tool?  Why or why not?

The Artistic Soul: Finding Sanctuary

He appeared upon the upper platform, still bearing the gipsy in his arms, still running wildly along, still shouting 'Sanctuary!' and the crowd still applauding. At last he made a third appearance on the summit of the tower of the great bell. From thence he seemed to show exultingly to the whole city the fair creature he had saved; and his thundering voice, that voice which was heard so seldom, and which he never heard at all, thrice repeated with frantic vehemence, even in the very clouds, 'Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Sanctuary!

~ Victor Hugo, The Hunchback of Notre Dame

E

very artist needs a sanctuary.

A place of positive energy where imagination and creativity can live and play without fear of judgment or censure.   A cocoon where your ideas can grow and evolve; a room of safety and nourishment.  A greenhouse for ideas.

There is a Season

A good gardener knows that you cannot transplant before the root system is established and the plant has grown strong enough to withstand the changing environment outside.  Put it in the ground too soon, and the sun will scorch the tiny leaves, and excess rain will drown and rot the tender roots.  But transplant at the right time, and the plant will adapt, grow, and thrive despite (or because of) Mother Nature’s volatile personality.

So too with creative ideas.  They need time to grow, and put down roots before being exposed to an outside opinion.

In other words, criticism is a lot like manure: too fresh, and the plants burn to death.  But put on at the right time, and you'll get the sweetest watermelons you've ever tasted!

In How I Wrote My First Book: The Story Behind the Story, author Christine Amsden quotes Orson Scott Card as saying that “before a writer can turn out worthy material, each one will generate at least one million words of pure crap.” 

Yes, there is a time for critiques, edits, ink-filled pages balled up in the trash, painted-over canvases, and discarded notes and lyrics.  But not when the ideas are just beginning to sprout.  You need the time and the space to create your one million words/canvases/music notes of crap. 

And you can’t do that unless you have a sanctuary.

Definition

So just what is a sanctuary?

The Etymology Dictionary defines “sanctuary” as

from Late Latin sanctuarium "a sacred place, shrine,” also "a private room.”  By medieval Church law, fugitives or debtors enjoyed immunity from arrest in churches, hence transferred sense of "immunity from punishment" (late 14c.).

General (non-ecclesiastical) sense of "place of refuge or protection" is attested from 1560s; as "land set aside for wild plants or animals to breed and live" it is recorded from 1879. Under English law, one claiming the right of sanctuary had 40 days to confess and accept permanent banishment.

So not just any greenhouse, but a sacred, private greenhouse, free from punishment.



Ahhh, if only!



Sanctuary. . .from Who or What?

Some artists are blessed enough to have such a room or studio, a place where they can imagine and create undisturbed.  This would be Elysium, and for most artists, it seems just as elusive.  So what if you can’t afford ~ either in time or money ~ such a sacred space?

The key phrase in the definition is free from punishment. 

Even if your sanctuary is a desk in the corner of the living room, or a spot at the kitchen table (some artists actually create better when surrounded by chaos), the most important aspect is that it is designated as an “Artistic Zen Zone.”  While you are imagining and creating, no one is allowed to look at your work in progress.  No one is allowed to criticize, comment, or otherwise offer negative opinions ~ no matter how “helpful” they may seem.

And that “no one” includes you.

Because, let’s be honest.  Our harshest critic is sitting in our chair, looking at the blank page/canvas/etc and saying,  

“You can’t do this.” 

“It’s been done before, and by better artists.” 

“Who wants to read what you think?”

“Your mother/father was right: you should have majored in business.”

Nuh uh.  Not allowed.  As Bob Newhart would say, “Stop It!”



Far from the maddening crowd. . .and nosy family members!

Imagining the Good

Artists are blessed with vivid, very active imaginations.  Mine runs like a film, complete with soundtrack, almost 24/7.  So why do we use this incredible power to imagine what we cannot or should not do!? 

I will be the first to admit my guilt here.  I am very good at imagining all the negative things people will say about anything I write, or wear, or cook, or think.  So good at it in fact, that I feel the negative emotions that comes from the imagined criticisms.  This is not healthy, either for the creative spirit, or the body. 

If the whole point of imagining is to bring that imagined idea, story, character, etc, into existence, then by imagining the negative, we are bringing that idea into existence.  If you imagine that you can’t write that novel, then you won’t.  If you don’t believe in it, it doesn’t have a chance.

So, first rule of the creative sanctuary?  You don’t talk about “I can’t.”  The second rule?  Let go and plant as many imagnative seeds as you want.

There will be plenty of time for weeding and pruning later in the season.

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

Do you have a sanctuary?  What does it look like?

Top Five Friday: Impressed with Impressionism

When my daughter was about seven years old, she asked me one day what I did at work. 
I told her I worked at the college - that my job was to teach people how to draw. 
She stared at me, incredulous, and said, "You mean they forget?"
~ Howard Ikemoto

A

s I mentioned some posts back, I recently took up art therapy to expand my creative horizons.  It was an interesting exercise ~ painting not being one of my artistic strengths.  But I found that I enjoyed the feel of the brush in my hand, and the swirl of colours on the canvas.  And it opened up rooms in my soul that I had forgotten were there.

We focused mostly on abstract art and impressionism.  I always saw impressionism as looking at a painting through near-sighted eyes.  But I never appreciated how Monet, Hassam, and others focused on the play of light in their paintings.  Nor how much detail there really is when you take a close look.

These are my favorite five Impressionist paintings.

Oat and Poppy Field – Claude Monet

This painting reminded me of the meadow behind my house ~ only it has cows in it and not poppies!  But the play of light on the trees, turning them into dark green giants is familiar to me. As is the perspective and the lay of the land.  Perhaps that is why I love this painting so much ~ it feels like home.

 

Celia Thaxton’s Garden – Childe Hassam

The bright colours of the flowers in the foreground pull you in to this painting.  And it too has an air of familiarity ~ but it’s the familiarity of a well-beloved book.  Doesn’t it remind you of Anne of Green Gables?

 Quiet – James Tissot

For this one, I just love the saturated colours ~ especially of the woman’s dress.  No, seriously, I want a dress like that.  And a couch like that!

The Swing – Auguste Renoir

I actually favor Renoir’s later paintings (Girls at a Piano, for instance), but this one is a good example of how impressionism focuses on light and its effects on objects seen.  I can fell the shade and the sunlight filtering through the trees.

Late Sunset – George Inness

Again, saturated colours, the play of light ~ in this case, fading light, and a long perspective.  I wish I could step into the painting and exlpore what lies just beyond those trees.

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

Who are your favorite Impressionist painters?

Top Five Friday: Shutting Up the Critics

The cost of not pursuing a dream is greater than the cost of failure. 
~ Jeff Goins

T

he way of the creative soul is hard.  We are misunderstood, maligned, and often, the people who should be the loudest in our cheering section, are the biggest naysayers.

This is certainly true in my own life.  I am blessed to have a small, but heavy-hitting cheering section ~ people who love and accept me unconditionally and offer both honest encouragement and constructive criticism.    



Photo credit: 123rf.com



But human nature being what it is, one rotten apple spoils the entire bushel. It is a mystery to me why what one negative person says carries more weight than the accolades of five positive people.  But there it is. 



And the biggest naysayer in my life is always close at hand, ready to pounce on every mistake, every false step.  Even all my successes carry a taint of “could have been better/not good enough.”  “Who is this wretched person!?” you cry indignantly, “Keep away from them as much as possible!”  But that would require an out of body experience.

Because I am my own worst enemy and my harshest critic.

Shouting Down and Shutting Out

Scientific American had an article in February of this year on the bias against creativity.  Although many say they value innovation and people who ‘think outside the box’, when it comes to practice, being innovative means taking risks, and most people are risk-adverse.  And by risk adverse, I mean, failure-adverse.

No one likes to fail.

But innovation doesn’t exist apart from failure.  News flash, dear readers: no one is perfect.  No one succeeds on the first try.  As great as Michael Phelps is, he didn’t come out of the womb doing a killer backstroke.  He had to learn how to swim; had to discipline his body and his mind to become faster than the best in the world.

So what is a beaten up creative to do?  Obviously, we must surround ourselves with positive and supportive and wise people.  And we need to drown out the naysayers as much as possible. 

As a visual/verbal creative, that means I read every article, post, book, and essay on creativity and artistic encouragement I can find.  Invariably, two things happen:

1) I’m comforted and inspired by the realization that I’m not alone;

2) My creative bottom gets kicked into gear and I go create something.

Today, I give you the top five articles that shut down my biggest critic and flamed the creative fires this week:

The World Needs Artists – Jeff Goins

Jeff Goins is one of my favorite writers/bloggers on creativity and the art of writing.  His style is easy on the eyes and is always practical.  It’s like having a personal writing trainer.  I may complain about the pain of being creative, but those groaning muscles get toned and built up with every post he writes.  Here, he reminds us how important art and creativity is, how vital we are to life of the world and our social circle.

10 Ways to Establish Personal Boundaries – Barrie Davenport

Personal boundaries are important for everyone, but especially for creative souls.  For whatever reason, our work isn’t seen as work (if I sweat blood every time I sat down at my desk, would that convince you?!!?), and since many of us work out of a home office, the boundary lines are more apt to get blurred. 

On top of that, most of us come from dysfunctional families where boundaries were ignored trampled on, and/or destroyed.  So a lot of healing needs to take place if those necessary fences are to be mended properly.  I’m a big advocate of seeking wise professional help ~ sadly, there are a lot of idiot shrinks out there who simply add new wounds to the old.

Live the Creative Life – Jurgen Wolff on Steve Edge

I’ve never met Steve Edge, but I love him already.  His advice to dress for a party every day and the party will come to you is very wise.  If you wait for inspiration, for the right time, the right place ~ the Muse may pass you by.  We’re only given today, not promised tomorrow.  So put on your party outfit and create.

Best story: how he re-branded DB Restorations.  Brilliant.

Repotting Your Creativity – Emily Wenstrom

Changing your routine up is a good way to shake off negative thoughts and nasty comments.  Last Tuesday, I started a new art therapy class.  It’s been years since I’ve picked up a paintbrush, but once I started mixing colours and exploring shades and tones, the joy of sweeping the brush across the paper filled up my tired heart and began to heal old scarred wounds.

Why Your Work Never Feels Good Enough – Jeff Goins

Another great article by Jeff Goins.  He talks about how the curse of perfectionism is part and parcel of being a creative: we keep striving to get our project to look just like the ideal vision we see in our minds’ eye. 

As long as the ideal vision doesn’t prevent us from actually bringing it to life, than use it to keep reaching and creating.

In the end, the best way to silence the critics ~ whether internal or external ~ is to create every day that we’re given.

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

What are the ways you shut out the naysayers and self-doubt?  What articles have inspired you?  Please share with us!

Modern Baroque in Manhattan: A Review of Gramercy Tavern

He who distinguishes the true savor of his food can never be a glutton;

he who does not cannot be otherwise. 

~ Henry David Thoreau

A guest post from gourmand Trid Morgan.

I

 taly ~ the land of Michaelangelo and Raphael; Pucinni and Verdi; fresh made pasta and aged parmesan.  For five years, I lived in the heart of culture and learning and beauty.  I was at home there, amidst the dusty archives of the Vatican Library, touching ancient manuscripts unseen by most people for thousands of years.  It was a Baroque life, filled with drama, and far from bland: exciting, tragic, cathartic, and redemptive ~ all in the modern city of Rome!

And then, I woke up.  In New England.  The land of chewy clam chowdah, boiled potatoes, and pot roast.  In suburban America, I encounter some people who are content with meat that comes from a cow factory, and vegetables that look and taste like they have been in a crock pot for weeks.  What happened to just simply. . .braising? 

I endured this steady diet of mediocrity and synthetic and non-nutritious food for as long as I could.  Then my health ~ both spiritual and physical ~ began to suffer. 

If you are what you eat, I was becoming a mechanically-separated bowl of goulash!

How was I to cope, a Baroque man living in the middle of modern suburban America?  I needed somewhere to escape; some way to get back to the timeless life I led in Rome. 



photo courtesty of Evgeny Litvinov



So I took the train to Manhattan, to immerse myself in the Opera and the art museums.   And I found a Baroque paradise ~ a place where the art of hospitality is not a forgotten relic, but a modern jewel.  Where food is no longer just food, it is an event.  Where dining is an experience for all five senses.

Gramercy Tavern.

There is NOTHING, really . . . let me emphasize . . . NOTHING like reading Augustine’s Confessions in Latin while eating a perfectly roasted Berkshire baby pig with the seasons freshest ramps as prepared at Gramercy Tavern!

Have you tasted a slice of apple pie that reminded you of your own grandmother’s recipe, but refined to an unimaginable level . . . they have it at Gramercy Tavern.

Hospitality that does not rush you, that respects you, that pairs wine with every course . . . a hospitality that hearkens back to a more genteel age?  Only at Gramercy Tavern.

Detail is something that doesn’t escape me. 

I go crazy over the slight nuances of Augustine’s rhetoric, the forcefulness and expressivity of Catherine of Siena’s words.  I have spent hours upon hours gazing at Raphael’s St. Cecilia, and Bernini’s Ecstasy of St. Teresa, looking at every facet of these masterpieces, trying to reconstruct the intellectual concepts in the minds of both artists.  All this has affected me in the most positive way, but not necessarily in the most modern way.  Rome was formative in the sense that even daily life was lived around Baroque detail. 

Our food shared the vibrant colors of tapestries, tastes were well proportioned, and who could ever forget the intense chiaroscuro of flavors in prosciutto from Norcia.   The exuberant beauty of the baroque churches was supposed to spill over in its own way, into the dining room and onto the dining table….and it did.  

As art in the form of painting can reveal itself to be an imitation of the beauty of Creation; a balanced course, composed of the harmony of various different flavours while respecting the integrity of ingredients shows the chef as one of those rare persons, a true artist.  At Gramercy Tavern, my Baroque aesthetic of detail is fulfilled.

Because at Gramercy, the attention to detail is exceptional.  The tastes are expertly curated: from the antiques of the dining room, the jubilant floral arrangements in the Tavern Room, to the freshest ingredients for the Cuisine.  Michael Anthony, executive chef of Gramercy Tavern, and pastry chef, Nancy Olson are exceptional artists!

No matter what religious or political background we may come from, there is one thing that can be found, or rather, should be found in all human experience, the desire for beauty. 

Food is medicine. And if that is true, then Gramercy Tavern has become my favorite clinic.  It has healed me ~ both body and soul.

~ Trid Morgan

P.S. you must try the Smoked Trout!

Trid Morgan is the pen name of a displaced Renaissance gourmand.  After earning his PhD in Rome, he now lives a short trip from NYC. He escapes to Manhattan to bask in the sun of culture and beauty as often as he can, and enjoys the serene silence of the sea.  He sees the inestimable value of the past in order to illuminate the present, and thus, the fascination with all things . . . Baroque. 

Lecture Series Announced: Art in the Life of Faith

Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures. 

~ Henry Ward Beecher

 

T

he cobwebs in here are ginormous!  Goals, goals, goals.  Looks like they still ended up on the cutting room floor despite my best intentions.  The road to the hot place and all that, what?

But that does not mean I have been eating bon bons and watching the idiot box.  Oh no, my friends!  La Belle has been making truffles while the chocolate is hot.  So to speak.  Had a brilliant idea back in January, let it ferment for about a month and a half.  And then popped the cork on a new bottle of artful awesomeness at the end of March.  Behold!



Miranda, Sir Frank Dicksee

Painting a Path to Heaven: Art in the Life of Faith – a monthly series of lectures designed to explore how we are lifted up by art and beauty, how imagination allows us to perceive it, the vital effect that art and culture have upon our emotional, spiritual, and psychological life and what it means to live a life full of creativity and faith.   

The first lecture is on the healing power of art and it will be held on Saturday, April 14 at 7:30pm in Alexandria, Virginia.  You can find out more here.

If you are in the area, we would love to have you!  If you do attend, come and find me and introduce yourself.  Then you can tell me whether I look like I write.  Ha!

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela