Hotness is in the Eye of the Beholder

Beauty and femininity are ageless and can't be contrived,
and glamour, although the manufacturers won't like this, cannot be manufactured.
Not real glamour; it's based on femininity.

~ Marilyn Monroe

In August, I’m participating in BlogHer’s Blogging Challenge.  The theme this month is: Hot.

I

am a big hypocrite.

Today’s writing prompt from BlogHer was

“What makes a woman hot? Is it something physical, an intangible personality trait, or something else entirely that labels a person as hot?”

and in my opinion, “hotness” is a term used almost exclusively to describe someone’s physical appearance and little about their true character.  For instance, I think that Benedict Cumberbatch is “hot” but I don’t know the man from Adam.  His mesmerizing voice along with his good looks are captivating, but in real life, he could delight in tearing the wings off of dragonflies, and kicking puppies.  And for some, that would not detract one iota from his “hotness.”  Which is quite shallow and objectifying, really.

But of course, I occasionally revert to an OMG tween and still use the term.

If You Ain’t Got Confidence. . .

Rather, I should ask what makes a person beautiful or attractive.   Because the number one thing that is attractive about a man or a woman is their confidence.  When a person is at home in their own skin, that confidence draws you in, sits you in the easy chair, and hands you your favorite cocktail.  You  just feel at ease and welcomed in their presence.  And that kind of laid back confidence cannot be faked.

Unconditional acceptance is a twin to confidence.  If you're not comfortable in your own skin, you may not be comfortable with someone who is different.  However, if you accept who you are, both the good, the  bad, and the bone-ugly, then you are more likely to be non-judgmental and accepting of others just as they are. 

Two Ears, One Mouth

The second thing that makes someone attractive is unselfishness kindness.  The cup may not runneth over with self-confidence, but if you concentrate on the other person, taking time to really see them and listen to their story, you will forget your own tale of woe and cease to remember all your (real and imagined) imperfections and faults.   And let’s face it, someone who acts like we’re the most important person they could be talking with in that moment?

That’s pretty hot.

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

Beauty is both objective and subjective.  What else do you think makes a person beautiful or attractive?

Top Five Friday: How to Warm Up When You Have the Blahs

Music brings a warm glow to my vision, thawing mind and muscle from their endless wintering.

~ Haruki Murakami, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World

T

alking about ways to warm up while temperatures never fall far from eighty-five seems counter-intuitive. But there are many ways of feeling the cold.  And most have nothing to do with climate change.

We can feel the cold of loneliness, the iciness of heartbreak.  The rejection that blows like a sharp, dry wind.  Or stand in a frozen tundra of misunderstandings and misconceptions.

How do you warm up from that?

Today’s prompt is ways to warm up, and my Top Five are ways I thaw out from disappointment and negative situations.  Usually I list my Top Fives in alphabetical order, so no one’s feelings get hurt.  But these are my top five ways, so I’ll list them in the order that I use them and/or they help.

Image Credit: Will Burgess

Go to Fantasy Land (i.e., Read)

Nothing beats the blues like immersing yourself in a good story.  The type of story that will work depends on what negative emotion I’m feeling or disappointing situation I’m dealing with.  Currently, I’m struggling with the boundary and control issues of a family member.  Which makes the Jane True series I’m currently reading perfect: a reluctant heroine who discovers powers she didn’t know she had, takes control of her crazy life and (so far in the story) beats insane odds, and finds a good man who adores her.  And written with no grammar mistakes or vocabulary abuse.  Perfect!

Get It All Out (i.e., Write)

Sometimes reading doesn’t cut it.  The pain inside gets to be too much and the fantasy bubble pops.  Then only copious amounts of ink will work.  I spill it on my journal, in my book of poetry, in letters to friends, and sometimes, in blog posts.

Connect with the World (i.e., Spend Time with Friends)

For the heart to truly begin to thaw, there is nothing like the unconditional love and support of friends.  Let me tell you something: a person who will constantly tear you down, stomp on your dreams, and point out your faults and failings ~ all in an effort to “help” is not helpful at all.  Not that friends should be blind to your faults.  But more is accomplished through positive reinforcement.  We are already buffeted by life as it is.

Bubbles, Bubbly, and Bublè

Seriously, a hot bubble bath (complete with massaging jets), a glass of champagne (actually, it’s usually a neat glass of Scotch, but that doesn’t begin with B), and my favorite Michael Buble album are a sure cure for the blahs.  The only better “B” than Michael would be Benedict ~ as in Cumberbatch.  But his schedule is pretty full these days.

Oh, you thought I meant watching Sherlock or Star Trek?  Tsk.  Silly.

Visiting the Land of Nod (i.e., Sleep)

When all else fails, I clear my schedule and just sleep.  I know some people say that too much sleep is bad for your inner clock.  But honey, the blues can be rough on the body.  And the body repairs itself while we sleep.  So grab a down pillow and cuddle the blues away.

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

What do you do to “warm” up?  What other types of cold do we experience?  Write about it!