Ch-Ch-Changes: Saying Goodbye to La Belle. . . .

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.
There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want.
You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing.
We can make the best or the worst of it.
I hope you make the best of it….I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

~ Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Screenplay

C

hange.  More often than not, I have viewed change as a dirty word.

Chaotic.

Disruptive.

Unsettling.

Uncertain.

Tradition, on the other hand, was always viewed as sacred.

Stable.
Secure.

Safe.

Routine.

You find more of this lopsided outlook in families where there is emotional or mental instability, I would wager.  I certainly grew up waiting for the other shoe to drop.  It’s only natural then that for many years, I viewed change as something to be avoided at all costs.

After I turned forty, I began to see change as cleansing.  Always slightly chaotic at first, but with the potential to grow into something quite necessary and beautiful.

Not all traditions are worth keeping. 

Not all changes are worth accepting.

But both are worth exploring.

When I began this blog in October 2005, I had no idea what I was doing.  I had the desire and the need to write and share my thoughts, but no clear direction.  I wrote whatever I felt like writing about, hit publish, and went on to the next topic.  And while the pieces of all my true passions are still here, the overall picture they form isn’t as coherent as I’d like it to be.

© lilkar_123rf.com

Still, I struggled with guilt and doubt.  

Was I failure because I no longer wanted to keep writing on this platform?  Is this just my ADD talking and will I regret starting something new somewhere else?

I suppose I could simply do another re-vamp of the site like I did a few years ago.  But the canvas doesn’t feel like the right size anymore.  I feel like using different paints and techniques this time around.  And I really want to start from scratch and build something new.

So I won’t be updating this blog anymore (big shocker, I know).  I don’t know when the new one will be up and public, but I will post one last time here to let you know.

It has been an incredible learning and growing experience here at La Belle these past eleven years and I'm so grateful for each of reader and friend that has accompanied me on this journey.  I hope you will be with me as I begin the next phase of my writing adventure.

See y’all on the other side!

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

Posts on La Belle are written with the following fonts: Georgia, Times New Roman, Vivaldi, Edwardian, and occasionally Baroque Script.

Creatively Bored: or "No, I'm Not Distracted, I'm Thinking!"

Don't give up before the miracle happens.

~ Fannie Flagg

F

or the iNtuitive Feeler, brilliant ideas are to be had at will: they are as numerous as the stars, and more often than not, just as untouchable.  And yet, the moon was once thought unreachable.

The problem is not that one dreams the impossible, it is that one fails to make the dream a reality.  NF’s are exciting, creative, and are often gifted in many different areas.  However, they are sometimes easily bored, discouraged or distracted, which leads to the failure of many of their varied projects. 

This is especially true of the ENFP (Extroverted iNutitive Feeling Perceiving). 

For a long time, I described myself as an introvert.  But no one believed me.  I found joy in most of life and laugh quite a lot.  And as you know, I like to entertain and throw parties, and I love people.  Such goings on would frighten make an introvert run for the hills!

But an ENFP needs to have alone time to center and meditate.  Otherwise, the water runs out and boredom, despair and discouragement fill in the cracks and crevices left behind.  This is the pattern of my life.  Sometimes I forget to center.  More often, I just can’t find the time to be alone. Or to set the proper boundaries so I am left alone.

Those are dark days.



Where an NF wants to be sometimes...



But recently, I discovered something.  That on those dreadful days when I’m running low on dream fuel and am bored to pieces over simply everything, ideas are born.  And that I’m not alone in this strange place of creative boredom.  That creating something new and beautiful when I should be doing something entirely uncreative and boring is kind of normal.

Whoa.

That’s what Austin Kleon says.  And he’s an artist and a writer.  So it must be true! At the least, it is true for a good many creative people, of which NFs are one group.  In his book, Steal Like an Artist, Kleon says

Take time to be bored. . . .Creative people need time to just sit around and do nothing. . . .Take time to mess around. Get lost. Wander. You never know where it’s going to lead you.

Or in other words, take something negative (boredom) and make something positive out of it (creativity).  We’ve all heard that it's good to step away from a project in order to gain a new perspective on it.  And often, that leads to fresh ideas, editing, or a complete re-write.  Well, that’s what NFs do; only we step back by fiddling with another project.  And being alone with our creative thoughts now and then.  



So show some love to the NFs ~ give them lots of encouragement and some space.  You may think we’re abandoning you, but we are as loyal and affectionate as puppies ~ we’ll be back and more creative then ever.



I feel so much more affectionate  after my alone time!
Romeo & Juliet, Sir Frank Dicksee

NFs ~ love yourself enough to set aside alone time.  You’ll actually have more creativity to give if you do.  And dream big, impossible dreams.

Just remember to continue dreaming once you wake up.

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

When is the last time you scheduled alone time? Did you think you were being selfish for doing so?  What do you do to get out of a discouraged mindset?

I Ain't Stupid!: Discovering the Artist Within

The way we imagine ourselves to appear to another person is an essential element in our conception of ourselves.  In other words, I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am.
I am what I think you think I am.

~ Robert Bierstedt

F

or years I believed I was lazy, unfocused, stupid, scatter-brained, and perhaps a little ADD.  I would sit and try to focus on a task, but one sentence, one word, and my mind immediately made ten different associations.  And those ten led to ten ideas each.  And so on.

Then I found out that I had a higher than average IQ.

Ok, so what? The knowledge of my brain capacity didn’t help me feel any less stupid.  Why couldn't I just follow directions?  It’s simple, stupid ~ just go from A to B to C to get to D.  It didn’t matter if I reached the correct conclusion or answer just by looking at the problem; I had to show the steps I had taken to get there.  But that only led to heart-scarring angst for a pupil who longed to please, and frustrated teachers who saw great potential, but were not educated about personality types and the different ways children learn.   As hard as I tried, I couldn’t tell them how I got the answer, I just knew. 



The Crystal Ball, J.W. Waterhouse



Add “smart-ass” to my list of labels.

Many moons later, I was given the Myers-Briggs personality test and discovered that I was an iNtuitive.  And that I was among only 1% of the population.

A whole new life opened up for me. 

I continued to dance to my own music, but this time with a freedom and confidence I had never known.  Finally, I could be at peace with my identity/personality.  Now, that doesn't mean that I don't feel lazy and unfocused at times, but now I have a context.  I understand how my brain – both the neocortex (sometimes called the rational brain) and the limbic system (commonly called the emotional brain) works and how I uniquely process and use the information I take in.

Consequently, I could also now be more patient with others with different personalities.   Just like I lived with the mismatched labels that had been stuck on me, the other fifteen personality types also had mismatched labels that I had given them. 

Sensitives still manage to get on my nerves ~ patience is not one of my virtues.  But with my new-found knowledge, I no longer view them as slow and stupid; rather, I recognize that they are more detail-oriented and methodical, two strengths which I don’t always tap into.

And I’m still a smart-ass.   

But now I’m a confident and creative one!

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

Next week, we look a little deeper into an iNtuitive’s so-called faults and how to use them to unlock creativity.  In the meantime, share with us: were you mis-labeled? How did you cope?  And what led you to realize your gifts and strengths?

The Gift of Receiving: Accepting Another's Gifts

. . .the bridges had been blown up; we squat on piers that don’t connect anything. . .
~ Ruth Kluger 

R

uth Kluger wrote her memoir, Still Alive: A Holocaust Girlhood Remembered  about her experience in Austria during (and after) World War II.  After reading Richard Chess’ unpacking and exploration of her observations about bridging the gaps between “my memories” and “our memories,” I not only want to read the book, I want to take his class at UNC!

This gap is illustrated by an incident where Kluger and some friends were relating their experiences of claustrophobia.  The stories they offered seemed piddling compared to the one she could have told regarding her ride in s stifling boxcar to Auschwitz.  She felt that to have told it would have been rude, that somehow her friends would have resented her.  So she remained silent.

That struck me: this fear that Kluger had to share her story because it might make someone uncomfortable.  She said: “And so my childhood falls into a black hole.”  Chess goes on to discuss how an experience can be informative versus transformative and then relates that to writing. 

But I am stuck on the loneliness of Kluger’s statement.

Perhaps it would have been inappropriate to share her memories with the group.  Perhaps she knew that they would not have received it well.  But what if they had been open?  What if the sympathy she feared she might have elicited was what was needed in that moment?  Such a feeling could have been healing, both for her and for her friends.

Why is this?  Why is receiving a gift ~ whether it be of their time, talent, love, support, or even something material ~ so difficult for us at times?  What makes us uncomfortable with another’s generosity?  Chess discusses this discomfort and relates it to writing and learning:

The desire to understand may also be a natural reaction to the discomfort of being confronted with something new and strange, a discomfort that can trigger feelings of inadequacy and failure. Most of us, I expect, don’t want to sit with such unpleasant feelings, and we might be willing to do anything within reason to rid ourselves of them.

Feelings of inadequacy and failure.  Could that be why we are sometimes poor receivers?  Do we think we are unworthy of the gift?  Maybe we have received gifts in the past that were not freely given ~ that came at a price or with emotional strings attached.  But then, those were not real gifts.  They were bribes, Trojan horses.  So fear of gifts becomes a defense, a protection against further pain.

And we do not like pain.  As Chess says, we will do “anything within reason” to avoid it.  Some of us will even do things outside of reason.  But that is a topic for another post.

It might help us to move in the direction of becoming better receivers if we remember that a gift is always given twice: to the receiver and to the giver.  And when we don’t receive someone’s gift, we both lose. Henri Nouwen, the 20^th century mystic, observed

. . . by receiving we reveal to the givers that they have gifts to offer. . . . we make givers aware of their unique and precious gifts.  Sometimes it is only in the eyes of the receivers that givers discover their gifts.

What an incredible and freeing idea! That in receiving a gift well, we are in turn giving back.

May we all work towards becoming better receivers of each other’s gifts.

Oremus pro invicem,
~ Mikaela 

Have you ever felt uncomfortable when you’ve received something?  Were you ever resentful when a friend shared their story?  Share yours in the comments!

New Series and a Poll

Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. 

~ E.L. Doctorow

I

t has been seven months since I moved back to the family homestead.  It has been an interesting journey so far and it isn’t over yet!  I have been jotting down notes, thoughts, rants, and raves since September, but I haven’t shared them yet.

Part of the reason is that I am still processing things.  But life is about processing ~ it doesn’t end until our life does.  Sometimes part of processing is sharing that process itself with others, receiving encouragement and respectful and loving criticism, and giving encouragement and hope to another’s journey.

The other reason is I haven’t been sure where the proper forum for sharing those thoughts and lessons learned is.  This blog is mainly about art and culture, which can cover a broad number of topics ~ fine art, performing art, food, manners, poetry, etc. 



Spring has Sprung! Lilacs in my backyard - photo by Mikaela D.

But sharing my experiences in choosing to move back with the family and the trials and joys that go with that choice, as well as trying to realize my dream of starting an organic and sustainable hobby farm ~ is that an art?  It could certainly fit in with the discussion of culture. I know several bloggers whose passions led them to create different blogs: Joanna over at The Art of Everyday Wonder, for instance, has a couple of blogs that cover related but different subjects.

Now, I don’t write just for the heck of it.  Ok, maybe I do ~  I can’t not write.  However, I don’t share my writing just for the heck of it.  You, dear readers, are the reason I post.  And since I can’t decide, and this journey is too crazy and fun not to share, I’m going to leave it up to you!  On the right, you will see that I created a poll.  It will be open until April, Friday the 13th [mwhahahaha!] 

Vote early and vote often!  And get your dead relatives and friends to vote too!

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Goal Time!

It is never too late to be who you might have been. 

~ George Eliot

It is almost January.  Another year gone.  Where in the world does the time go?  A long time ago, when I was just turning thirteen or fourteen, someone told me that once I hit high school, time would simply fly.  They were right.  And each year it just seems to go by faster and faster.

This year is no different.  Once September hit, life began to resemble the Indy 500 and things didn’t slow down until yesterday.  Planning an arts festival, Thanksgiving dinner, and a Christmas party beats the stuffing out of you.  Not to mention having pesky gallstones earn you a couple of stays in the hospital and catching a nasty cold that leave you too weak to eat even the bland diet the gallstones have you on.  Autumn 2011 was a hell of a time!

Now I am pain-free (although not yet gallstone-free) and have some time to reflect on where this year has taken me and what path I’d like to take next in the coming months.  And since telling someone your goals makes it (hopefully) more likely that you will actually accomplish them, I am going to share mine with you, dear readers.

Goal #1: Write More

This is always the first goal/resolution I make every January.  And I do fairly well in January. February I lose a little steam.  March comes and I get a second wind.  April brings spring fever, and by the time May arrives, I’m exhausted.  It just does downhill from there!

So this year, I decided to tool around reading what other writers and normal people (ha!) were saying about their goal making.  I’ll be posting a list of  the top five ones I found, but I’d like to highlight one (consider it Number Five and a Half if you will) today: http://www.michelleschaeffer.com/.  Michelle always has great tips for blogging, marketing, etc.  Read her entire article on setting goals here.

She suggests breaking your goals down into steps and targets.  Doh! Why didn’t I think of that!?  Not only is this helpful for mapping out where you want to be in twelve months, you can break things down into manageable steps that hold you accountable, so this year you may actually not default on your goals!  Yes! 

With this new power tool in hand, my writing goals now look like this:

1.      Post to this blog at least twice a week.

a.      If I post more than three times a week for a month, I get to treat myself to a new pen! (I really, really, like pens.  Especially fountain pens.]

2.      Respond to all personal letters within two weeks of receiving the letter. (I have a lot of pen pals and friends who write deliciously long, snail-mail letters!)

a.      I would have put a reward of stationary here, but I already need a twelve-step program for the boxes and boxes I have already.

3.      Submit one piece of poetry or personal essay a month to five different magazines or journals.

a.      I think this is its own reward ~ especially if I get published.

4.      Journal at least three times a week. 

a.      This can include Morning Pages, poetry, or general personal rants and raves.  Just journal!

b.      I already have my reward for this: a gorgeous, new, hardback journal.  I hope to have the spine broken in by February.

Goal #2: Personal Growth

5.      Develop one new healthy coping mechanism.

a.      They say it takes thirty days to develop a new habit, and our coping mechanism are just that: habits.  Usually bad ones.  Learning a new, integrated one will help heal the wounds that the old mechanism was simultaneously protecting and scratching at.

6.      Develop a weekly exercise routine that is sustainable.

a.      This means fun.  And being outdoors as much as possible.

7.      Hire a professional organizer and be clutter-free in 2012!

a.      This will also help with Goal #1.

8.      Eat 80% raw (already doing this for the most part)

a.     Reward? My gallbladder will thank me.  Not to mention having to buy yet another new pair of jeans in the last four weeks because the old new ones are already falling off of me. Yes!

Goal #3: Giving Back

9.      Plant a sustainable, organic vegetable and herb garden in the Spring.

a.      This includes research, planning, and hiring some manly labor if necessary. 

1)     Beer and pizza are acceptable forms of payment for aforementioned manly labor.

b.      Donate any surplus produce to the local food bank or soup kitchen.

10.  Volunteer at least once a month at the charity of your choice. 

a.      Yes, The Saint Cecilia Group counts.

b.      No, it can’t SCG every month.

11.  Write your mother a letter.

a.      You would be surprised at how difficult this one can be!

12.  Go on retreat.

a.      Because if you don’t first give back to yourself, how will you be able to give back to others?

12 goals for 2012.  Whew!  That’s seems a tall order! Actually, that means I should add one more:

13. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s okay to fail.  It means you tried.

What are your goals for 2012?  Feel free to share in the comment section!

Oremuc pro invicem,

 ~ Mikaela