Pride and Forgiveness in Elizabeth Hunter's The Scarlet Deep: A Review

I betrayed the woman I loved because of pride…I broke her trust. 
I might have lost her forever, if she wasn’t so forgiving. 
Pride is…seductive.  Addictive. 
And a harder habit to break than any drug.

~ Elizabeth Hunter,  The Scarlet Deep

July is National Anti-Boredom Month.  It should be Writers Block month. 

W

hen she dreamed, she dreamed of death and madness.  Of the deep and of forgotten things.  The moon shone full through the water, and the drifting weeds surrounded her as she stared into the night sky….She sank past the touch of moonlight, where the chill of the water crept into her bones and settled her soul.” (Prologue, The Scarlet Deep)

The narrator’s voice fades, along with the spotlight and the curtain rises on Patrick Murphy, a familiar figure for Elemental World readers.

That is how a novel should begin.  I was immediately lifted out of reality and ordinary life and dropped into another world, my curiosity aroused:  Who is this woman?  Why is she dreaming of death and madness?  And how is she connected to the most powerful vampire in Ireland?

From the Pen of a Master Storyteller

Publishers and readers alike tend to dismiss the Romance genre as pulp fiction/fluff writing.  And I have come across my fair share of authors (Romance or otherwise) who give the genre a bad name.

But a romance has the potential to not only take you away from the real world, it also has the power to inform and transform you. If it’s well written and the pen has been wielded by a master.

And when you find a master storyteller, you don’t let go. 

You buy every book she has written.  You pre-order the ones she’s still working.  Because you know she won’t let you down.  Her imagination is rich and deep; an eternal well of plots, themes, and witty repartee.

Image © Elizabeth Hunter

It’s no secret that I am a huge fan of Elizabeth Hunter. I own (and have read several times) every book she’s written.  They are well written and remain as fresh as the first time I read them.

Ms. Hunter’s latest creation, The Scarlet Deep went live today and for fans of the Elemental Mysteries Series, it fills the emptiness left behind when we finished The Secret in March.  And once again, she does not disappoint in giving us more than “just” a romance.

Pride, Grace, and Redemption

The Scarlet Deep takes us back into the Elemental World and while it can be read as a stand-alone, IMHO, it is even better when read after the Elemental Mysteries series and the other books in the Elemental World series.  Characters who had starring roles in the other books return as supporting actors.

At the center of it all is Patrick and Aìne, who love each other but have let past mistakes – mistakes that were a betrayal of trust – and pride come between them.  But with the deadly Elixir still in production and killing both mortal and immortal alike, they will have to get over their past and join forces (and fangs) in order to find – and stop – the person responsible.

This book touched me deeply, because I too have had my trust betrayed.  Like Aìne, I have longed to bury myself in isolation to escape the pain and to deny the part that I played in allowing those betrayals to dictate my path. 

And as Aìne stubbornly refuses Patrick’s blood - essentially starving herself - my own fears and pride prevent me from seeking the help and connection I need.

Life is one long series of making mistakes and seeking grace.
Carwyn, The Scarlet Deep

We all make mistakes – sometimes really big ones!  So we are in need of forgiveness and grace.  Does that mean that everyone deserves to have access to our heart and soul?  Of course not.  Some people have truly toxic behaviours and for our own health, we need to limit our interactions with them or forego them altogether.

Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting. It’s about letting go of the past, trying again in the present, and taking back control of the future.

And you don’t have to be a vampire to take that lesson to heart.

 

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

I received this book as an ARC from the author.  I have not been paid for this review.

Posts on La Belle are written with the following fonts: Georgia, Times New Roman, Vivaldi, Edwardian, and occasionally Baroque Script.

I Would Pull Down Heaven: A Review of The Secret: The Irin Chronicles Book Three

The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain.
It's the loneliness of it.
Memories need to be shared.

~ Lois Lowry, The Giver

In 2015, I’m participating in Jeff Goins’ My 500 Words Challenge: writing at least 500 words a day for a year!  So dearest blog, although I’ve neglected you of late, I have never ceased writing!  YTD Word Count: 38,796

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s it still love if you can’t remember your lover? 

If every meeting, every conversation, every smile, every little thing that pulled you in and made you hers is just…

Gone. 
Erased. 
Blank.
Always just out of reach.

Is it still love if your lover returns to you a different man, with no memory 

Of the first time he saw you.

Of the first time you made him laugh.

Of the first time he kissed you.

Of the first time he made your soul sing.

How do you cope with the crippling fear that his return is a dream and you’ll wake only to lose him all over again?

The Last Chapter

A good writer pulls us out of our world and entertains us, taking the edge off a weary reality.

A great writer pulls us into our soul, showing us that we are not alone.  That pain and joy and love and loss are universal. 

She does this discreetly, weaving an entertaining and moving tale that not only takes that edge off, it helps us cope when we are forced to return to it.

Elizabeth Hunter is one of those great writers. 

Since I discovered the Elemental Mysteries Series, I have yet to read a book that hasn’t led me to a deeper level of self-awareness while it soaks off the day to day stress.  Every story is well written, meticulously researched, psychologically accurate, and balances entertaining dialogue with a believable, dramatic love story.

The Secret is no exception. 

In fact, it may be her best story so far (no worries, Gio ~ you’re still my #1 book boyfriend).  If you aren’t familiar with The Irin Chronicles, stop reading this right now, go buy all three books (The Secret is live today), cancel any appointments and Read. It.  With a large box of tissues beside you. 

If you have been following Malachi and Ava’s story, then you know this last chapter is their most crucial.  That this is no ordinary love story.   It is real.  It is complicated.  Because when is love ever simple?

Malachi has yet to remember much if any of his past, including Ava.  And his talesm are slow to return.  Meanwhile, Ava still doesn’t know where her power comes from and she lives in fear of losing her reshon again.  

Have they healed enough to learn the secret the archangels have been hiding for millennia? A secret that could change the Irin forever?

To Know Her is to Love Her

The Singer dealt with loss and grief and the desire to give up when it feels like your soul has been shredded.  The Secret also involves loss ~ but it is the loss of memories and the seeming loss of a loved one who is physically present, yet no longer remembers you or why and how he fell in love with you. 

Loss that is real for those whose loved one suffers from Alzheimer’s.

Perhaps because my own parents are aging, or perhaps because I’m constantly searching for the why in everything, The Secret made me wonder: if love is defined by knowledge of the other, a knowledge gathered over time in shared moments, goals, purpose, and mutual respect, trust, and commitment ~ is it still love if all of that is erased?

We don’t love ~ truly love ~ a person until we know them.  It’s why I love the Biblical translation of sexual love as knowing.  My deepest desire is for my truest self to be fully known…and unconditionally accepted.  Because that is in part what healthy, interdependent love looks like.

So what does it mean to suddenly be unknown again?  To love someone who no longer seems to be the person they were when we first loved them?  And what does it mean to suddenly un-know?  To be told that you have a life, a shared history with someone that you can’t remember?

Pulling Down Heaven

Because Ava isn’t the only one suffering from loss.  In losing his memories, Malachi has lost a vital part of himself.  This causes him pain, not just for himself, but because this loss pains his mate.

Then comes a moment where a memory returns to him…a memory of where he was after he had been taken from her.  A place of “Perfect love.  He cries with joy because he is home….He is surrounded by love.  Complete. Replete.  He needs nothing.”  But he hears her voice and makes a choice.  A choice he does not regret.  A choice that is bittersweet.  A choice that hurts in the remembering.

Because although he regains Ava, he loses being in the presence of Perfect Peace.

Gifts given freely are more precious.
Barak, The Secret: The Irin Chronicles Book Three

Yet it is a choice Malachi made freely and one he would make again. 

Even if his memories never return. 
Even if he only has one year to spend with Ava.
Even if the pain of loss never completely goes away.

Because love is defined not just by fully knowing or being known by your beloved.  Nor is it defined solely by the presence of either joy or pain or the lack of them.  Love is always a choice.  A choice freely made.  A gift freely given.  Love is still love even if the particular memories of it are gone. 

Because love is always a choice.
 

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

What did you think of the end of Ava and Malachi’s story?

I received this book as an ARC from the author.  I have not been paid for this review.

Posts on La Belle are written with the following fonts: Georgia, Times New Roman, Vivaldi, Edwardian, and occasionally Baroque Script.

My Irin Chronicles Playlist: 

Love Will Save Me: Why Working on Your Problems Before Marriage is Smart

Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be involved with them.

Love is not a bandage to cover wounds.

~ Hugh Elliott, Standing Room Only

June is the FLX/WordCount Blogathon!  Join us for 30 Days of blogging madness! 

I

t’s Throwback Thursday. 

Which usually means posting pictures that highlight what a bad idea that mullet and blue eye shadow were back in 1985.

It’s also Hunger Awareness Day, and since emotional hunger is a very real problem in our society today, I thought, why not revisit an old post about relationships?

Also, I’m lazy, ADDish, and tired.

Six years ago, I had a discussion with a couple of bloggers about whether a person should work on their psychological and emotional wounds before entering a new relationship and whether that relationship could itself be a source of healing.

I had forgotten all about this discussion and the post it inspired, and upon reading it, I quickly realized this couldn’t be just a lazy re-blog.  Because six years ago, I was a different person.

A Broken Vase Holds No Water

Six years ago, I was four years out of a manipulative  and co-dependent relationship.  Six years ago, I wasn’t in therapy with the incredible shrink I have now.  Six years ago, I thought I was fine and okay.

But six years ago, I was depressed and didn’t know it.

Six years later, I’m more self-aware, more confident, more don’t-give-a-flying-truck-what-anyone-thinks.  More in touch with my wounds, my past.  And more in touch with my anger and disappointment.  You could say, I’m a little more hard and cynical.  Still, my six-years-ago self was pretty much dead on.

Read the original post: The Power of Love

Let’s get one thing straight right from the start: a relationship, whether it’s romantic or platonic, is never a cure for loneliness.  People are people, not objects to be bought, sold, or used.  A relationship built on hating eating frozen dinners in front of the boob tube by yourself is going to last as long as my coffee pot.  Actually, my coffee pot will probably last longer.  

Not to mention it makes things exceedingly tiresome and boring for the other person.  

And quite frankly, I’ve met people who still felt alone in their relationship.  And that is worse than literally being alone. 

Since that post was written, I’ve had several friends date, break up, and get married.  And as I began learning more and more about child development, and family wounds, and inter generational healing, I began to talk more and more about the need to tend to our wounds before entering into a life-changing commitment.  But time and again I was told: not all take the same path, not all journeys are the same; some people are healed by the relationship itself.

While I agree that we all have different paths to take, they all overlooked one thing in their reasoning: they had already been in therapy and done work on themselves or were in therapy when they met their future spouse.

Prior to that, they were dating and getting nothing but heartache in return.

I Want a Girl (Just Like the Girl That Married Dear Old Dad)

Many of us had (or have) troubled relationships with one or both parents.  And many of us either ignore that, or try to compensate with their significant other.  But we learn all too soon that the other person is just as flawed as we are, as our parents are, and in fact, may even be flawed in the same way our parents were!

When you enter a relationship without addressing the fact that your father always promised he would do X, Y or Z but never did it, you may have a tendency to expect all men to promise but not deliver.

Image credit: Chappell Therapy

If your mother was manipulative and domineering, you may have the tendency to view your girlfriend’s ability to handle herself well and take charge of a situation with distrust or you may simply retreat when faced with taking responsibility.

And still the pain continues and the need to address past wounds remains.

Do all relationships work this way?  Of course not.  Things like mentors, the moderately functional friends we had growing up, and even grace need to be factored in.  

But enough have problems that books have been written about the parent-child connection and influence over current relationships.

The Journey So Far

Six years ago, I said that I believed “perfect love drives out all fear” and I sort of still believe that.  The issue I have now is, in order to experience love in a healthy, integrated way you first have to know what it looks like.  Otherwise, you’ll keep getting your heart stomped on. (Think of abused women who won’t leave their abusers).

How do we do that?

I don’t know how you do it, but I read books.  And talked with friends.  And joined a support group.  And talked with friends some more.  And read more books. 

Until finally one day, a romantic interest said to me: “You know, you’ve told me about X, Y, Z in your past and I think you should join a support group or talk to a spiritual advisor ~ because the reason you’re attracted to me is because I remind you of your father…and you really shouldn’t date me.”

So (heartbroken), I joined another support group.  And I read some more books.  And talked to a priest or two.  But I didn’t find a competent therapist. 

And would you believe, I went back to thinking I was working on things and everything was fine. Denial ain’t just a river…oh, you’ve heard that one already.

It would take me two whole years ~ and one last majorly dysfunctional and painful relationship in 2009 ~  to finally hit rock bottom in January of 2010.  Suddenly, everything was not fine ~ in spades.  I was not okay.  As smart as I was, and as many supportive friends as I had, I realized (finally!!) that I needed more help than I was getting. 

And even then, I was stubborn and didn’t meet my shrink until six months later.  (Gee, it’s been four years?! Happy Anniversary, Siggy*!)

Bottom line: no one human being can “fix” or "fill" you by themselves.  Would you expect your spouse to set your leg if you broke it?  Or do open heart surgery on you if you had a blocked artery? No, that would be stupid!  They aren’t trained to heal those kinds of wounds/illnesses.

And yet, many of us expect our spouse to heal our emotional and psychological wounds.

The Power of (Unconditional) Love

We were not created to be alone, to work out our problems in isolation. We are social beings, made for self-gift and with an incredible capacity to love and forgive and grow.

Pride says you do not need anyone or anything to help you heal. That is not only false, it’s unwise. But neither are we meant to just expect things to magically get better without putting forth any effort at all and letting our spouses, children, friends, confessors, shrinks do it all for us. 

The answer lies in between: take the time to become self-aware; work on your issues; talk to a therapist (consider them your psych surgeon).  Healing those wounds enables you to feed that emotional hunger yourself. 

Only then can you feed others.

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

Agree, disagree, hate me? ;)  Do tell!

*Siggy - oh come on.  Siggy - Sigmund.  Yeah, you got it.

Love at a Distance: Toxic People and the Geographic Cure

If there is a particular person in your life that is repeatedly choosing not to honor you and is causing you more sadness or pain than they are joy - it might be time to release that friendship back to God and trust that it is not where you belong.

~ Mandy Hale

May is National Mental Health Awareness Month.  Join me in blogging to erase the stigma of mental illness so our loved ones can seek the help they need.

S

anctuary.  We all need it.

Yesterday, I was out looking at a possible sanctuary (i.e. property for sale) so didn’t have time to post.

Another word for sanctuary is “geographic cure.”  For those in Al-Anon, this is a familiar concept. 

But it’s less a cure and more of a treatment process.

The Ugly Side of Mental Illness

During this month of mental health awareness, I’ve talked mostly about depression, how I as a sufferer of depression feel and cope (or not) and some ways to be a true friend to someone who suffers from depression.  But mental health is like Janus: there are always two faces to it.  One is the face of suffering.

The other is the face that causes suffering.

Someone who suffers from depression is already operating at less than full capacity in terms of energy, self-esteem, emotional resiliency, etc.  But then you put that person in a relationship with someone who also suffers from some form of mental/emotional illness and you’d better be prepared for the organic matter to hit the oscillating mechanism!  If that relationship is symbiotic, the potential for heart aches and years of therapy is even higher.

This is where the geographic treatment comes in.

I Love You. . .at a Distance

The geographic treatment basically says,

“This relationship has become so toxic, the only way to find peace

and sanity is for me to move far, far away.”

The great thing about this method is that you do get some breathing space.  You don’t have to subject yourself to daily mental and emotional beatings.  You can close the door, draw the blinds, and truly rest and re-charge.  You can find a new “family” that is more supportive. 

You can ramp up the healing process with your therapist because now you can concentrate on doing your psychological “homework” and not expend your precious supply of energy on effective but outdated defense mechanisms.

But it’s only a treatment. 

My geographic treatment usually includes nature and a book.
Image credit: Books Direct

Because once you go back for a visit, you encounter the same hurtful lines, the same negativity, insults, and verbal abuse.  This happens because you’ve begun to change, but the other person hasn’t.  And it’s too easy to fall into old patterns of reaction when the other person refuses (or simply is unable to) learn the steps to your new dance.

So you have to limit the number of times you “dance” with that person.  In the beginning, you may not be able to see them for months.  For the first few weeks, even a phone call may be out of the question.

And that’s okay.

Because your mental health is just as important as how you treat your loved one who also suffers from some form of mental illness.  And if you’re ever going to learn better ways of communicating, more effective coping mechanisms; if you’re ever going to learn to forgive and love that person in a healthier way ~ you need to take care of you. 

And you need a sanctuary in order to do that.

The Golden Rule of Mental Health

More compassion, not less, is key to treating those who suffer from some form of mental illness.  Guilt tripping, screaming, passive aggressive behaviors are not effective and can actually be damaging to your relationships with people who do not suffer from mental illness.

I know this, sadly, from experience.  My poor defense mechanisms protected me while I was growing up.  But they no longer serve me well now that I’m older.  And it took years to even get to the point where I realized, “Oh.  This isn’t how healthy, integrated adults act.  Maybe I need to find someone who can help me learn new ways to cope.”

Tuesday, while I was writing about granting accident forgiveness and learning to be a more effective parent, it struck me that I was advocating a more positive attitude and outlook than I currently have towards my mother. 

And I immediately felt guilty. 

Shouldn’t I be treating her the way I want to be treated?  Shouldn’t I be more compassionate towards her since in many ways, she can’t help what she says and does ~ she’s not integrated either?  As a Christian, I’ve had some people tell me that I need to offer it up, turn the other cheek, and remember the 4^th commandment.  And then I reminded myself of something my therapist told me:

“If they tear you down more than you can build them up,

it’s time to walk away.”

I don’t care who you are, what your relationship is, or what role you play.  Abuse, in any form, is never okay.  Bullying, whether it’s done in a school yard, in the office, or in your home, is never okay. 

You don’t have to offer that sh#t up.  That is not what He meant.

My relationship with my mother right now is…unruffled.  But it won’t remain that way and I know this.  She suffers from two forms of emotional illness and she’s not getting effective treatment for either of them.  (And yes, there are idiot therapists out there ~ you should be just as picky about your mental health provider as you are about your heart surgeon.) And so I find myself needing to re-start the geographic treatment again.  Not quite as severely as I needed to fourteen years ago, but it has to be done. 

For both our sakes and definitely for my sanity.

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

Have you ever taken the “Geographic Treatment?”  Did it help?  Why or why not?

L is for Love Equals Listening (And Lilacs)

It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness.

We have no scar to show for happiness.

We learn so little from peace.

~ Chuck Palahniuk

Back in January, I began the One Page a Day Challenge and immediately threw away my quill.  Now in April, I’m participating in the A to Z Blogging Challenge and prepping for a Wilderness Writers’ Retreat.  I need ink, a stiff drink and therapy.

T

oday I wanted desperately to be lazy.  This is what comes of a three day weekend.

Laziness and procrastination and a “I don’ wanna” attitude.

Are we there yet?  No?  Sigh.  How many more letters to go in this thing!?

I was going to just start writing about lazy days and summer.  But apparently Mother Nature may have the last laugh ~ again.  Might get snow ~ light, mind you, but still ~ tomorrow evening.  And that thought brought me right back to my original idea for this post: lilacs and the rewards of listening.

L is for Listening

We all notice the people who remember us:  the gift that is just what we wanted.  The dish that was made with our dietary restrictions, allergies, and intolerances in mind.  The words of encouragement that were said at the moment we needed to hear them.

It’s not terribly difficult to be that person.  I always listen when one of my friends says they like or want something, but I am super forgetful and so learned to write things down in my address book.  Favorite colour.  Favourite store.  Favorite food.  Love languages.  Personality types.

Shhh, don’t tell them I do that.  They think I’m magically gifted in remembering these things.  Google Contacts, how I love thee.

Lilacs, Easter 2011
Image credit: Mikaela D'Eigh

My father is not that type of person.  It’s just not his personality.  And that’s okay.  He provided a roof, a table, and food on it.  A grade-A education and the freedom to pursue it to the highest degree I wanted.

He is the stereotypical Eastern European: few words but many actions.

But one day, he listened.  And one day, he touched my heart like no one had before and only a couple of dear friends have been able to since. 

L is for Lilacs

About two months before the end of my sophomore year of college and a beautiful Spring day ~ the kind that doesn't come very often in Virginia: cool breezes and temperatures not yet in the humidifying eighties.  My parents and sibs were coming to visit and take some of my stuff back home that I didn't need.

On a phone call in the previous weeks, I had lamented that I would miss seeing the lilacs back home ~ they are notoriously short lived down here.  Imagine my surprise ~ and delight ~ when my father walked in carrying an armful of lilac blooms.

All so I wouldn’t miss seeing them that year.

L is for Love

It’s only been in recent years that my father has taken to saying “I love you.”  Something about reaching your late eighties and nineties is mellowing.  And it’s been healing ~ for both of us.

I love words.  They have power.  They have meaning.  They have life.  But I learned very early on that love doesn’t always use words.  Love speaks in actions too.  You just have to look for it.  And hold the memory close.

As for me, I’ll may eventually forget the particulars.  But I’ll never forget the time that Love listened, and brought me lilacs.

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

Darn allergies.  Acting up in the office again!  Ahem ~ so, what love language do you speak?  Do you know your loved ones’ love language?  Ask ~ you just might be surprised at their answers.

Don't Wait Until I'm Dead to Tell Me You Love Me

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make,
who would you call and what would you say?  And why are you waiting? 
~ Stephen Levine

In August, I’m participating in BlogHer’s Blogging Challenge.  The theme this month is: Hot.

B

etter to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission.  Or as John Mayer put it, “Say what you need to say.”

Why do nasty hurtful words flow out of our mouths like a spring-fed waterfall, but our tongues become dry and tangled when it comes to telling someone we love them?  Is it the same emotional block that enables us to remember every word spoken in anger or hate as if they were precious diamonds, and to immediately relegate anything said out of love, encouragement, or praise to the back of the costume jewelry box?

The Little Mourner 

Frederick Sandys, 1862

My favorite aunt, who died last week, loved me immensely and considered me her favorite niece.

But I never knew that until yesterday.

She had a family of her own, with all the worry, stress, and occasional insanity that comes with it.  And I can’t throw stones: I’m guilty of allowing this grand adventure we call life turn into more of a hamster wheel than a roller coaster ride.  Guiltier perhaps because I know better, and waste more time chasing my proverbial tail when I could be staying in touch and telling loved ones how much I care.  So I’m not blaming her.  Not completely.  Yet it hurts and comforts me at the same time, to know how well she thought of me.

Because now it’s too late to respond in kind.

The lesson here is not to wait for someone else to say “I love you” or “I’m impressed with what you did” or “You are an inspiration to me.”  It’s a lesson that I forget all too quickly and need to be taught again and again.  Say it first.  You never need someone’s permission to say positive things.  Just a heart willing to be vulnerable. 

I love you, Ginny Lee.  You were my favorite, too.

Oremus pro invicem,

~ Mikaela

The greatest wisdom is to love without needing to possess, and to give without expectation.  Who can you encourage, build up, or tell you love them today?