20 August 2013

Don't Wait Until I'm Dead to Tell Me You Love Me



If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make,
who would you call and what would you say?  And why are you waiting? 
~ Stephen Levine


In August, I’m participating in BlogHer’s Blogging Challenge.  The theme this month is: Hot.


B
etter to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission.  Or as John Mayer put it, “Say what you need to say.”

Why do nasty hurtful words flow out of our mouths like a spring-fed waterfall, but our tongues become dry and tangled when it comes to telling someone we love them?  Is it the same emotional block that enables us to remember every word spoken in anger or hate as if they were precious diamonds, and to immediately relegate anything said out of love, encouragement, or praise to the back of the costume jewelry box?

The Little Mourner 
Frederick Sandys, 1862
My favorite aunt, who died last week, loved me immensely and considered me her favorite niece.

But I never knew that until yesterday.

She had a family of her own, with all the worry, stress, and occasional insanity that comes with it.  And I can’t throw stones: I’m guilty of allowing this grand adventure we call life turn into more of a hamster wheel than a roller coaster ride.  Guiltier perhaps because I know better, and waste more time chasing my proverbial tail when I could be staying in touch and telling loved ones how much I care.  So I’m not blaming her.  Not completely.  Yet it hurts and comforts me at the same time, to know how well she thought of me.

Because now it’s too late to respond in kind.

The lesson here is not to wait for someone else to say “I love you” or “I’m impressed with what you did” or “You are an inspiration to me.”  It’s a lesson that I forget all too quickly and need to be taught again and again.  Say it first.  You never need someone’s permission to say positive things.  Just a heart willing to be vulnerable. 

I love you, Ginny Lee.  You were my favorite, too.

Oremus pro invicem,
~ Mikaela

The greatest wisdom is to love without needing to possess, and to give without expectation.  Who can you encourage, build up, or tell you love them today?


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4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well said. Reminds me of the old Flatt and Scruggs song, "Give Me My Flowers While I'm Living":


Ver. 1:
In this world today while we're living, some folks say the worst of us they can;
But when we are dead and in our caskets, they always slip some lilies in our hand.

REFRAIN: Won't you give me my flowers while I'm living, and let me enjoy them while I can;
Please don't wait till I'm ready to be buried, and then slip some lilies in my hand.

Ver. 2:
In this world is where we need our flowers, a kind word to help us get along;
If you can't give me flowers while I'm living,
Then please don't throw 'em when I'm gone.

Unknown said...

Love that song. Grew up on bluegrass (as well as Elvis). ;)

Unknown said...

We often learn the hard way. When my mom died I learned to live for today. With my Dad on the road all the time we said our I love you's freely from little up.

Kathy
http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

Unknown said...

Kathy ~ big hug! When did you lose your mom?