23 December 2013

O Christmas Tree, How Scary It Is to Chop You!

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
~ Mitch Hedberg

In December, I am continuing to participate in the Two Pages-a-Day writing challenge.  And STILL trying desperately to get into the holiday mood.

hainsaws scare the sap out of me.

Here I am, working on building my organic hobby farm and I can’t handle using a chainsaw.

Drills. Sanders.  Weed whackers.  Mowers.  Nail guns.  Wood chippers.  I love them all.

But chainsaws freak me out.

Visions of limbs (not from a tree) dance in my head and away from my body, where they flop in a pool of blood.

I like my arms.  And my hands.  I like them where they are right now.  I would not like them on the ground, apart from me. 
Image credit: Funny Christmas Trees

However, if I want to have a real Christmas tree this year, that means once I get it home, I’ll have to cut off the bottom of the trunk to

a) get the sap flowing again and feed the tree, and
b) fit the tree into the tree stand.

Just using a hand saw last year cost me a nick in my thumb.  Granted, I kept my thumb, but still.  What’s a single girl to do?  Ask her friendly neighborhood Garden center guys to chop it for her!

Or just get a fake tree and forgo the severed foot.  Or hand.

Oremus pro invicem,
~ Mikaela

Do you fake tree it or go for the real tree?

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