If, as a culture, we don’t bear witness to grief, the burden of
loss is placed entirely upon the bereaved, while the rest of us avert our eyes
and wait for those in mourning to stop being sad, to let go, to move on, to
cheer up. And if they don’t — if they have loved too deeply, if they do wake
each morning thinking, I cannot continue to live — well, then we pathologize
their pain; we call their suffering a disease.
We do not help them: we tell them that they need to get help.
~ Cheryl Strayed
In September, I’m participating in the
Sapphire Even Day Blogging Challenge and
the Two Pages-A-Day Writing Challenge.
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H
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ow quickly we forget.
It’s a defense
mechanism, really. If we remained in the
same exact state of grief as when our loved ones first left us, we would
probably go blind from crying.
So the gaping hole
left in our lives by the loss scars over, and we continue living our
lives. Scars are proof of a life well
lived and heart well loved. And it’s
natural to begin to see them through a haze ~ not quite being able to remember
the exact colour of their eyes, or the way their laugh filled a room. It doesn’t mean we have forgotten them, but that we’ve forgotten the first
stabbing pain of loss.
We have finally
integrated their leaving into our living.
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Image Credit: Visit
icandothings.com
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It’s been twelve years
since that horrific day in September. To
be honest, I can remember that I felt horrified and sad and shaken mostly
because I journaled about it ~ capturing the moment and the emotion in pen and
ink. And because there are pictures that
spark my memory.
Not because I still
feel the same. And not because that day
is always in the forefront of my memory banks.
It is the way of
grief. To help us cope with the initial
loss, the shock of never seeing our loved ones again. And hopefully, once we’ve been touched by the
hand of Death, we can remember to live life without fear and without
regret. Because we never know when or
how the end will come.
It’s what our loved
ones would say if we could hear them now.
Oremus pro invicem,
~ Mikaela
How do you
cope with the loss of a loved one? Do
you find that the pain eases a little each year? Are you afraid of forgetting them?
5 comments:
It's true - in grief time does make things better. We don't forget, we don't "get over it", but we do heal a little so that we can go on with our lives. But the anniversary dates are still hard. They are etched in our minds as the date our lives changed forever whether it be September 11 or, in my case, October 25th - the date that my brother died.
Very eye opening view of how people cope with death and loss. So true. Thank you for sharing and linking up today.
I love your words on grief. I have experienced great and multiple loss in the last few years, and I do not forget -- I have the scars to prove it. But my memories become more focused on the happy times I spent with my lost ones and as you said, "We have finally integrated their leaving into our living. " So true.
Mo, so sorry to hear about your brother. The scars remain and serve as reminders - both to the pain of their loss, and the joy of the time we did have.
Kimberly - thanks as always for stopping by.
Shawnna, sorry to hear you've lost several loved ones. I hope you have found some peace. Thanks for stopping by.
Beautifully written! When I think about it, it's interesting how I've dealt with grief. My grandfather passed away when I was 10 - over 30 years ago. My grandmother passed a little over 10 years ago. I was very close to both, but for some reason, the death of my grandfather is still very fresh for me. I spent far more time with my grandmother, but sometimes the death of my grandfather feels like it just happened yesterday.
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