If, as a culture, we don’t bear witness to grief, the burden of loss is placed entirely upon the bereaved, while the rest of us avert our eyes and wait for those in mourning to stop being sad, to let go, to move on, to cheer up. And if they don’t — if they have loved too deeply, if they do wake each morning thinking, I cannot continue to live — well, then we pathologize their pain; we call their suffering a disease. We do not help them: we tell them that they need to get help.
~ Cheryl Strayed
In September, I’m participating in the Sapphire Even Day Blogging Challenge and the Two Pages-A-Day Writing Challenge.
ow quickly we forget.
It’s a defense mechanism, really. If we remained in the same exact state of grief as when our loved ones first left us, we would probably go blind from crying.
So the gaping hole left in our lives by the loss scars over, and we continue living our lives. Scars are proof of a life well lived and heart well loved. And it’s natural to begin to see them through a haze ~ not quite being able to remember the exact colour of their eyes, or the way their laugh filled a room. It doesn’t mean we have forgotten them, but that we’ve forgotten the first stabbing pain of loss.
We have finally integrated their leaving into our living.
Image Credit: Visit icandothings.com
It’s been twelve years since that horrific day in September. To be honest, I can remember that I felt horrified and sad and shaken mostly because I journaled about it ~ capturing the moment and the emotion in pen and ink. And because there are pictures that spark my memory.
Not because I still feel the same. And not because that day is always in the forefront of my memory banks.
It is the way of grief. To help us cope with the initial loss, the shock of never seeing our loved ones again. And hopefully, once we’ve been touched by the hand of Death, we can remember to live life without fear and without regret. Because we never know when or how the end will come.
It’s what our loved ones would say if we could hear them now.
Oremus pro invicem,
How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? Do you find that the pain eases a little each year? Are you afraid of forgetting them?