A lot of the conflict you have in your life exists simply
because you're not living in alignment; you're not being true to yourself.
~ Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically
You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
In August, I’m participating in BlogHer’s
Blogging Challenge. The theme this month
is: Hot.
needed to get
away. Wrap myself in a security blanket
of silence and solitude.
For years, I thought
that if I just lived in a another house, another city, made more money, or had
a different job, then all the pieces of me that were missing or mangled, would
magically realign.
Forget karma. Truth can be a mis-spelled witch too.
Different
Venue, Same Voices
I got my wish. I went away for a week here, a few days
there. Finally, I could relax the
emotional security system that is usually on 24/7. I didn’t have to guard every word ~ there
were no fragile psyches that would shatter under illusions and
misinterpretations. I didn’t have to
school myself to ignore criticism and venom-dipped accusations ~ I just had to
battle with the demon of self-criticism.
It was a battle I
lost.
The old adage,
“Wherever you go, there you are” is true.
The issues you are struggling with don’t stay behind when you change
locations. And if you change locations
to somewhere quiet and distraction-free?
Well, those issues come out, take center stage, and do an agonizing song
and dance for an audience of one.
At first, I was
shocked:
I’m too smart for this ~ I should be able to think myself
out of this.
Then I was angry:
WTF?! Can I get no
peace!? She’s ruined me!
Then despair slouched
in:
I’m doomed to have no peace, not even from myself. I might as well give in and sleep. Or watch whatever mindless marathon is on TV. Or engage in (insert favorite self-destructive
behavior here).
If You
Can’t Beat ‘Em…
It wasn’t until the
second week of my “escapation” that I shook off the despondency. This is me, this is who I am: a broken,
mildly dysfunctional human being.
Ha! Welcome to the world, babe. You are just like everyone else. Except. . .that there are tools at my
disposal that can help ease the wherever-you-go blues, if not cure them.
Friends
Getting out with my
close friends does wonders for the psyche.
Do they make any problems I’m grappling with go away? No, but they remind me that I am lovable,
capable, and worth the struggle.
A word of warning:
some people will say they are your friends.
But in reality, you are just a stand in for the parental or other
authority figure they currently hate/have issues with. Friends are there to be supportive, loving,
and accepting. They are not meant to be
a cheap substitute for a therapist.
That’s not healthy for either of you.
Journaling
If I need to learn
something, I have to write it down ~ the act of writing and seeing it in black
and white triggers something in my brain.
The words on the page become part of my memory, and in turn, part of me. Sometimes I write things down that seem
dramatic and insane. And when I go back
and read it again, I see how petty or small the problem really is.
Journaling is a great
tool for learning yourself. And
self-knowledge is one of the keys to self-actualization and healing. As Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not
worth living.”
Mother
Nature
Even if you are a city
slicker born and bred, there is something about getting out in the open
air. Parks are fine, but to really
benefit from the healing properties of nature, it has to be a BIG park, where
the trees and wildlife outnumber people.
I know I can’t be the only one who has gained strength by hiking or
sitting near a waterfall. The earth is
constantly healing itself and I believe that some of that power transfers to us
when we immerse ourselves in it.
Prayer
We all long for
something other. Just look at how popular paranormal fiction
has become in recent years. Your desire
for something greater than yourself may take different forms. But the desire is there. Address that Higher Power and let them have
it. Yell, scream, throw things,
cry. And then ask that Higher Power to
fill the empty spaces and lead you to a better version of yourself.
Therapy
I don’t know why so
many people are afraid of shrinks. We
talk to our hair stylists, bartenders, friends, lovers, even our pets. But we refuse to talk to someone trained to
listen and help us work through issues?
You wouldn’t refuse to go get a broken leg set by a doctor ~ why are you
refusing to get your broken life healed?
Granted, there are a
lot of quacks out there. I’ve known some
therapists who ruined people or at the least, kept them in a state of
brokenness. But again, just because some
doctors are guilty of malpractice doesn’t mean you sit at home with an infected
appendix.
Do some research, ask
friend for referrals, and interview the doctor once you meet them, you can feel
out whether they’re legit and a good fit for you.
Misery loves company ~
you’re not alone. But the key is that we
don’t have to stay miserable.
Oremus pro invicem,
~ Mikaela
How do you
deal with stress? Have you ever tried to
alleviate emotional pain in any of these five ways? Did it help?
